a come back .. a myth

a come back to writing. really? long time being here. dwelled the other place. lived in papers, sheets, tit bits of thoughts. wonder why things occurring like this. why old things popping up to my life like miners find antiques out of nowhere suddenly and then they scream excitingly oh! we have found something rarest !

have i found something? or lost myself again? am i excited? or depressed than ever? given i have no answer yet i believe i have put aside the ego and self possession of mine. my conviction put back into the drawer and i am flowing with what's going to happen. am i going with the flow or curiosity of unknown or do i want to know what written lines are dragging me toward; and i am dragged to find out what actually is the end. should i move along or stop here? should i gather all things and put back and stand again like a rock? shouldn't i remember how much hatred i have in me and how i angry i am? shouldn't i remember what was done to me? should i forget how much insult was made to me when i did not deserve? should i forget inspite of these i am living upto the corner like a hanging man from a cliff, if lost the balance fallen forever and no come back and if stayed there, died of pains in a wait that somebody would resuce?

what if nobody comes and i die there forever like this man - never to come back? would it satisfy the alive souls? would it bring a life to insaner and cruel? don't they feel guilty? why would they? life doesn't bestow a learning out of nothing- it takes a test then teaches and everybody learns from his own bearings, sufferings and lessons !

Lessons!

why am i repeating the mistake again. the third time. why? they may think anything about this about me - as usual bad - i smile - yes i smiles, yes they think bad - like i am left, i am alone, i feel shame, i realize, i need them .... blah blah blah... and i smile again !

do i care or do i don't? why should i ? maybe because it's me and i can't change myself. it was them and they can't change themselves. i don't consider them. i consider him.

him!

i hate him. first claims and then blames. why? am i a puppet made of cotton or a feelingless doll? am i a doll? ain't people responsible for there words and acts they do undue to me or others? i heard words are more injurious than sword - why then they don't find themselves accountable for what they do - or blame?

Blames!

not again.. i am quiet not because i don't have anything to say or the others don't make mistakes; i am quite because i don't complain, blame or insult the feelings; and on top i don't want to make them feel bad about themselves - because once i cared and

yes still i care .. that remains a myth - a question, unanswered !